25 1 / 2014
"The most important things are the hardest to say because words diminish them."
25 1 / 2014
"I have scars on my hands from touching certain people."
31 12 / 2013
I keep reflecting on the past year, but I feel as if my efforts are in vain. 2013 has been clouded by pain. A lot of pain. While there were many precious moments that filled my heart with happiness, there were significant life events that wounded me and ultimately forced me to grow.
I lost a best friend, I graduated college and was thrust into the ambiguous “real world,” faced unemployment and the insecurities that accompany it, developed an almost-eating disorder, and stood by a man who I loved so deeply, yet who put himself first and me last. A man who has been wonderful in some respects, but has traumatized me in many others.
I am so thankful for my friends. They have been my rock. They have stood by me, even when they watched me suffer as I stood by someone who continuously hurt me.
I definitely know what I want and what I don’t want out of a relationship. I always did, but I overlooked many qualities that many would deem “red flags” because I loved him. I simply loved him, and that was enough for me. There will always be a part of me that longs for him, but I’ve learned to accept that and will slowly move on.
I am determined to make the most of 2014. I want to sit at my computer on December 31, 2014 and easily recount every happy moment. I’m facing a lot of big changes for the upcoming year, and I pray that they will ultimately be happy changes.
I want someone to give me the same amount of love and devotion as I give them. I never thought that would be too much to ask for, but apparently it is.
I want a job, an apartment, and old & new friends.
I am haunted by the memories of 2013, and I want to leave them behind as the new year begins.
It’s time to move on.